meeting of the countrybumpkins

mr FAT and ms PIG had it coming….

they unwittedly allowed a horde of rowdy and noisy countrybumpkins* set their feet upon their humble abode.

*countrybumpkins : They hail from the Young, Exciting Country, their national colour is orange & their mother tongue is rubblish.

"Opps! I did it again!" mr Policeman proving once again that, besides nabbing crooks, he was equally apt at leaving water marks on mosaic tiles…

ms PIG shot a dirty look at mr Policeman and poked mr FAT with her fat finger.

"Do something!"

mr FAT wanted to kick mr Policeman but decided against it after envisaging that he might be charged with police assault.

He quickly enlisted the help of mr MOS Burger, who passed the tissue to him to cover up the mess before ms PIG poke him again.

"What is happening to my pretty little face?? Anyone seen this or had this skin problem before? Any advice?"  ms Tiny pleaded.

Everyone hustled to give her advice…

"aiyah, think you must change your boyfriend, you must be allegic to your boyfren’s tongue…" mr FAT quipped, drawing laughter from the rest.

Not funny.

…it was hilarious

mr Volleyball tried to restore order and stop the ruckus, alas, no one seem to listen. Everyone was yakking happily away.

Meanwhile, mr Muscleman was asking mr Volleyball and ms PIG for their signatures on some cheques. He was lifting pen on one hand and a thick arch file on the other.

Out of sudden, mr Sunglasses dropped red bombs onto everyone’s laps…yes, no one was spared. Even ms Ah Lian, who came late and tried to slip away, caught the red bomb. (caught red-handed?)

All the while, ms Blur was scratching her head, trying to figure what was going on…

It was mr Shutterbug’s birthday and ms PIG was smart to get candles enough even for uncle Volleyball.

mr Shutterbug, the country’s official photographer cum historian, has a knack of surprising people when their candid mugshots appeared on the web on the very same day.

Funnily, the people in the photos look busy… busy toking, busy laughin, busy eating…mr FAT was seen in many photos with something edible in his hand…

While mr Shutterbug was busy cutting his cake and sharing it, ms Tiny and ms Hairstylist were snapping happily away with his camera. ms Hairstylist combed her hair for the zillionth time.

"What is that bag of things?" mr Shutterbug noticed the big red plastic bag ms Ah Lian was carrying..

ms Ah Lian was sitting quietly at a corner, feeling upset and woody (opps, its ‘moody’).

"Oh… discounted loreal comestics!" ms Ah Lian suddenly jerked out of her moodiness…

"So cheap!!" ms PIG, ms Mascot, ms Hairstylist and ms Blur shouted in unison.

ms Blur announced that she is looking for job now and thinking of joining the airforce…

"Siao boh!" mr Sunglasses, mr Mos Burger and mr Volleyball shouted in unison.

The ladies wooed and wowed as ms Ah Lian fished out her good buys for all to see…

"I just buy what other people buy lor…" ms Ah Lian explained smugly..

When the countryfolks left, suddenly, there was peace and serenity..

though mr FAT and ms PIG had to clean up, they were glad that the rowdy countrybumpkins made effort to come to their humble home and scare the shit out of the sleepy neighbourhood with their boisterous banter

disclaimer: this is a story of fictionious characters, if there is any similarity to real life persons, it is of PURE COINCIDENCE…

What will you be doing on Sat nite?

WE WILL BE CYCLING!

yes, my yec (kg chai chee youth executive committee) is organising our yearly nite cycling adventure!

why i called it ‘an adventure’, well…have you ever cycled from east coast park to pasir panjang and back to east coast again?

We have been doing this every year without fail. Its a challenge not only to the participants but also to us, the organisers…after all, we are occasional cyclists.

below are the details of the event…

Event: Kg Chai Chee YEC Nite Cycling ’05

Date: 21 May 05 (Sat)

Time: 9pm

Venue: McDonalds’ (East Coast Park)

Price: $5(member) / $8 (non-member)

Bicycle rental available @ $8

For registration or more information, please call Kampong Chai Chee Community Centre at 62419878 (Ext 0).

go on, take up our challenge and join us!

If you really, really want to, you can

ms PIG chanced upon a really interesting advice posted on the web recently….

If you really, really want to, you can. You will. You can achieve the impossible, you can have "miracles" happen. You need only to meet two conditions.

1. You must really, really want it. Wishful thinking, like "I wish I have a million dollars" is not going to be good enough. You must really, really want it.

2. You must believe that it can happen and that it will happen. Many of us buy lottery tickets, but how many of us actually believe that we can win and will win?

ms PIG really, really want to cook an impressive spread of dishes for mr FAT….

five people you will meet in heaven - mitch albom

just read the book, interesting book I must say…

small, handy, easy to read…as good as "little prince"

In order not to be a spoilsport and share the whole story, will only share some interesting quotes from the book every now and then…

it started with a 83 yr old man dying…its not ending but the beginning of his story..

All ending are beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time…

he met 5 persons in heaven after his death who taught him five lessons..

these people; some he know, some he dunno…

but they are people who affect his course of life…

they are waiting for him in heaven to tell him how they have, in one way or another, played an important role in his life and affected his life….

we are all connected to each other in ways we don’t even realize, and that perhaps, when your life is over, you may find out all the other "waves" in this big ocean that you affected without even knowing it

there is a story about waves, and how when they hit the shore they ceased to exist - unless you realized that, in truth, they weren’t really waves at all, they were part of the ocean - tuesday with morris by mitch

rice or porridge?

ms PIG can cook, so can you.

"You confirm the water is enough? A bit too little, right? I don’t like the rice to be dry and coarse." ms PIG questioned mr FAT.

"Confirmed. You can measure that by putting your hand, palms opened, on top of the rice in the rice cooker. If the water level is between your fingers’ 1st and 2nd joints, it’s the correct level of water needed. Trust me. " mr FAT put his hand into the rice cooker and demonstrated for the umpteen time.

"ok, if the rice don’t turn out well, its your fault…" ms PIG reasoned.

Unknown to mr FAT, when he turned his back to cook his famous chilli crabs, ms PIG added a bit more water. She wanted to be on the safe side.

"If it turns out soggy, it still can be eaten. I would prefer soggy rice to hard, coarse rice." ms PIG thought to herself.

20 mins passed, the rice is cooked…. Or the porridge is cooked.

"How come so soggy? Alamak, chilli crab sauce goes well with rice but not porridge! You add in more water behind my back?! " mr FAT exclaimed.

"uh…No! think your hand too fat! that’s why more water was added! It’s your fault!" ms PIG defended herself without batting her eyelids.

ms PIG can cook, pigs can fly.

getting fat…shall we go jogging today?

Every now and then, ms PIG will ask mr FAT,

"getting fat…shall we go jogging today?"

And more often than not, ms PIG will answer the question herself….

"oh no, its raining…oh wait, it just stopped…but the ground is too wet to run…very dangerous.."

"My mum’s cooking a feast tonight, wants us to go back and eat..we can’t possible eat till our stomach’s full, then exercise, rite?"

"There are too many people in bedok gym, have to fork out $1.50 some more..a bit dumb leh…"

"Since we are jogging along siglap park connector, why not we stop by Gelare Cafe and have some waffles?"

"Uh oh…I m having the ‘monthly’ thing…uncomfortable to jog, mabbe a few days later?"

"I m a bit tired, rest day today!"

This is the best….

"Its the seventh month, my mum advise us not to go out at nite?!"

ms PIG resolve to stop this infinite procrastination…

Two pcs of cloth = Curtains!

mr FAT and ms PIG had some guests coming to their humble abode over the weekend….

"Aiyoh, why no curtains?! Very dangerous one, you know?! "

"People with ill intentions will like your house best! It would be worthwhile to break into ur house! Just look at your brand new furniture! Especially your 29 inch panasonic TV set, your HP pavilion PC and your beautiful wife!" mr FAT’s sis voiced her concerns.

*the above is an exaggerated version of mr FAT’s sis conversation. She dun speak like that in real life and she’s a very gentle and nice lady. And ok, I confess…the part about the "beautiful wife" is made up by me.

"Got! Got! We got curtains! We bought a shower curtain from ikea! It looks like and feels like normal, cloth curtain!!" ms PIG proudly beamed.

"but dunno if its enough for all the windows..he (mr FAT) says its enough, told he to buy more, he says no need…" grumbled ms PIG.

"Aiyah, no need lah! its enough lah! trust me! " assured mr FAT and he went on to cut up the curtain into 3 pieces….

I wish I can show u all how mr FAT cut the curtain up in the most brutal way…but I m too lazy to take and upload pictures…let me illustrate using words…

Pc no.1 = windows in the living room

Pc no.2 = windows in the study room

Pc no. 3 = windows in the bedroom.

He further went on to cut up the 3 pcs and divided them into 5 pcs….

Pc 1 becomes Pc 1a and 1b

Pc 2 becomes Pc 2a and 2b

Pc 3 remains uncut.

now both the living room and the study has two pieces of curtain each…

"Cutting the curtain into two pcs will make it look like curtains!" mr FAT happily explains….

In the end….

People with ill intentions, can still peek into the house which is scantily covered with pieces of curtain…

in fact, it encourages people to peek into the house…coz when they do peek, its difficult for people inside the house (especially for ’severely shortsighted’ ms PIG and ‘refused to admit he’s severely shortsighted’ mr FAT) to realise someone is peeking…

Worse still, the last piece of curtain (pc 3), supposed to cover the bedroom windows so as to reduce the sun glare in the morning, is too small to even cover 1/3 of the window in the bedroom…

ms PIG just hope that mr FAT dun cut that misrable pc of curtain into half to make it look like curtains!

chronicles of mr FAT and ms PIG to be continued…..

CEO = BABY?

recently just attended a course : a Master of your event, Leader of your team at SIM. it was a so-so course…a bit boring except for the part where they invited a local events management guy as the guest speaker..

he did gave us an interesting insight of events management in singapore..

"its there, but its not quite there yet"

(market, standard of players in the market)

I believe so too..he was telling us that the events management is a huge and money churning industry in S’pore…well, just that the industry is not that defined and recognised like other industries…

just think of the many stages built, banners, posters printed everyday….so, want to change your job? $$$ ka-chink!

anyway, this post is not abt events management…its about an article in fortune magazine which i read while concentrating, taking notes during the course..(I m multitasking here, dun play play)

the article started off with him realising that the CEO/ boss is like a baby…

I can’t rem the full article (I chucked the mag in somewhere I can’t rem)

the very summarised and my own version goes like this;

Why your ceo is like a baby

1) He/ she makes a lot of noises and speaks in a language no one apprehend

2) He/ she constantly seek attention by screamin, crying out loud..

3) People need to carry (curry favor) them…

4) People fusses around him/ her…

5) He/ she lives in his / her own world, doing their things in their own way.

6) After he/ she makes a mess, you clean up for him/her..

7) he/ she has not much hair….(ok, this is not from the article)

this is what I can rem…ok, I did not exactly rem accurately..(pray that none of my frens read fortune)

If only our ceos are as cute as the babies…nay!

some explanation….

just to explain things a bit, Mr FAT and Ms PIG in question, just bought a three room flat, and were renovating the teeny weeny flat (its been three long months, and they are still at it!)

its retro-themed, with orange and red furniture….stay tuned to adventures of Mr and Ms FAT PIG…

indulgence of the month

Scene of crime : IKEA

it all started one fine weekend, while out shopping at ikea….

"think our study room is stark empty, we should get a bookshelf!" Mr funnie, amicable (FAT) tapor bellowed…

"so, how many books are u going to put on the bookshelf?!?!" the tiny woman whimpered…(ok, it does not sound like whimpered…) Ms pretty, intelligent girl (PIG) shrieked…

"I just think it looked empty…" Mr FAT continued to mumble to himself in the busy confines of ikea while Ms PIG ignored him….

"Oh, let’s get a computer table!"  Mr FAT’s small, squinting but sharp eyes has caught sight of a huge birch effect (light wood colour) table on silver-grey legs…

"we can then put in the study room….every home should ve a computer…we can play computer games now…my bro got a free printer in a lucky draw, we can use it now!" Mr FAT rambled on.

Sensing the excitement in Mr FAT, Ms PIG decided to go with the flow…and off they went on to choose the table, the table legs, the computer chair etc….(since they were on a shopping spree)

Ms PIG was tempted to stock up stationery from ikea…

fortunately for the world, Ms PIG exercised much restraint against further wrongdoing (such as bursting the credit card limit, then having to deal with the torturous payment of bills) She did not load the stationery (u go girl!) into the shopping cart.

(well, she figured she will get a better deal in popular store)

Scene of Crime : Outside IKEA

" since we just bought a nice nice big big office table this week, we need to get a computer on the table by the next week!" Mr FAT reasoned. (yah, we need a computer to cover the table so that there will not be dust collection on it, so smart of FAT PIG)

Ms PIG was now feeling very weak and busy as she tot to herself, " buying a pc is not easy task, just imagine the info search u need to do before the purchase…and furthermore there is no computer fair now! save me!"

Scene of crime : At funan IT mall, Harvey Norman

Mr and Ms FAT PIG went to Harvey Norman (a german monk, yah rite!) when they arrived at funan ( a province in china, yah sure!). 

it was the first store they went in and voila!

they were taken in by the silver tongued salesman and bought a hp pavilion white silver PC with LCD flat screen at $1999…

recalled : "buying a pc is not an easy task" - Ms Pig

" it’s a steal, you know! u get 512kbps, 80gigabyte, intel pentium processei 4.1, 6 in 1 card reader…..APPLE LOOKALIKE PC, 3 years extended warranty, FREE CABLE MODEM, FREE TWO MONTHS’ BROADBAND ACCESS, all for only $1999!!!!" exclaimed the salesman.

Frankly, "Mr and Ms shallow FAT PIG were only interested in the items listed in caps….

There u have it, a heinous sin was commited…the PC was sold.

Verdict: The closing chapter (jie an cheng chi)

The accused being Mr FAT and Ms PIG, due to their moment of folly and stupidty and impulse, have unwittedly committed the unspoken sin, INDULGENCE. Hereby, the punishment await them is the shock and dismay they will suffer and endure when they receive the next month’s credit card bill…

indulgence is a vicious cycle.. table => computer => pc games => high tech gaming toys =>more space to put the gadgets => BIGGER table! DARN!

I did not tell you abt the manicure and the facial packages I have signed up…sinful indulgence really…