The queen and the guide

I have got this fren cum colleague, her nick is miss Complain Queen. Not that she is alwis whining and complaining, she’s actually a pretty and demure-looking girl.

She is the model CUSTOMER who…exercise her rights well, give positive feedback and suggestions to improve bad service.

Sometimes I really pei fu her! She is one heck of a customer that I wish I nver offend!

She is one girl you would bring along with you if you need to redress your grievances. She has this innate talent of making people (esp. bad attitude customer service personel) appear smaller than her….for your info, she is a petite lady. yes, she’s a little hot chili when it comes to bad service.

Watching her in action in her recent Sony "hanged-while-charging-and-all-photos-lost" digi camera saga…wooo……I think the sony pple will compensate her a new camera complete with a brand-new memory stick …

Dun be mistaken though, she is not an unreasonable customer, in fact, she is right and reasonable most of the times. Its just that lazy pple like me never bother to fight for my consumer rights…yah, go ahead and bully me, tyrant cust. svc folks!

Anyway, this blog is not just about her….miss Complain Queen has reminded me to make a special mention of our tour guide at KK. It’s rare that miss Complain Queen did not complain about the tour guide…(I mean, did not complain so much…)

His name is Mr Liong..and like his namesake, he is very lo - so…long-winded (my ex boss is Mr Leong)

He’s nice guy, a responsible guide..in fact he is one of the most friendly and knowledge guide I have seen. (well, not as if I have met a lot of tour guides)

He’s a retired ex-teacher and loves to sing. He is a poet wannabe and he tried very hard to be funny (I mean humorous)

He succeeded in making all of us laugh out of sheer ignorance (he did not know what the jokewas) as he dishes out funnie nuggets such as the following….

"I hear some of you want to buy Sarawak pepper, is Singapore very hard to get spices? " - when some of us asked if we could buy local products such as sarawak pepper…well at least he made some of us sounded stupid…

"When we reach the Boring Hot Spring, I will distribute butt towels to all of you. For those who want to have private butt, have to pay 15RM more. For those who want to butt in the public, its free."

"When we reach the Poring Hot Spring, I will distribute bath towels to all of you. For those who want to have private bath, have to pay 15RM. For those who want to bath in the public, its free."

"Who is playing god?" 

"Who is playing golf?"

My KK working trip - the 1st day : MAS horrors

I survived!

After 3 hectic days at kota kinabalu and a terrible bout of stomach flu when i landed in S’pore, I survived to come to work today….

Maybe I knew I wasn’t going to enjoy myself during the trip or maybe I have prepared myself for the worst things that could happen….I did not get depressed when things went wrong on the very first few hours….

MAS (eeeks! nver going to take MAS flight, ever!)

As we boarded a cramped and small MAS aircraft, greeting us were the MAS CABIN CREW

(I alwis think that the word ‘ cabin crew’ sounds sexy, well, mabbe with exception of MAS).

The stewardesses were in their green kebaya uniform (I ve nothing against their green kebaya, in fact I think they looked nice!) ……….with hideous blue eyeshadow smeared over their entire eyelids all the way to their eyebrows!!!

Horrors…..arghhhh!!!!

lucky for them, their eyebrows saved the day! their bushy eyebrows stopped the eyeshadow smudge from proceeding to their head and beyond…

heroic eyebrows to the rescue!

Blue eyeshadow to go with green kebaya? What’s with this anyway? Earthly tones like orange, brown, red eyeshadow would go well with their uniform….but icy dark blue??!!

yah, it will work only if their intention is to emulate blue-black eyes given by passengers for their bad service…

Ok, after the moment of fright they gave us, we managed to gather ourselves and walk steadily through the cramped aisle to our allocated seats which so happened be right at the back of the plane. (that’s how they treat big tour groups I heard)

I struggled to find room in the baggage compartment for my hand carried bag.

(I should have check-in my luggage, right? I tot so initially…but read on to see why I m glad I did not…)

As we settled comfortably in my seat, we found ourselves perspiring…the aircon not working?   

One of my colleagues told the steward that it was warm and stuffy, hoping that he would do something abt it….

That sissy steward who spoke in a girlish tone, pointed to his hideous green jacket suit with a green bow tie (the steward’s uniform is UGLY),

"See, I m wearing a jacket suit…" his voice trails off as he pretended to be busy walking down the aisle to see if there are any flies hovering over the passengers’ heads…

????!!! huh?? xcuse moi?!!?

Let me try…this is what he meant :

"I m feeling hotter coz I wearing a jacket suit… I m not even complaining, so why should you be complaining?"

An….gry!!!! angry at the sissy steward!

Undeterred, my colleague caught the attention of the senior stewardess and told her about the stuffiness of the aircraft, thinking that the senior stewardess would be a better person to feedback to…

"Sir, this is normal land temperature….In our previous flights, no one has ever complained about the temperature in our aircrafts…"

Wat da @$%#^….

Smart missy, we know all abt aircrafts running on their ground power, the aircon might not be as strong as compared to aircon in aircrafts that are airborne…but none of the other airlines’ aircrafts we have been on are so hot and stuffy!!!!

And so what if no one complained? What kind of service is this????!!!

Being the obedient, law abidding S’pore citizens, we did not kick a big fuss…in fact, we endured the entire 45 mins of stuffy takeoff time without a whimper…

When we reached Kuching international airport, we waited one hour for the transit flight to Kota Kinabalu…it was the same plane and same hideous-looking cabin crew…

We were smarter this time round…We went in much later than the boarding time, to avoid being cooked in the stuffy plane.

When we reached KK airport, those who checked in their baggage went to collect their bags….then…….

The worst thing that could happen to you when you are travelling by air happened to us…

All of our checked-in baggage are tampered !!!!!!!!

Horrors!!!!!!!

Items like electric shaver, sing$$, camera batteries, even pills are stolen! Locks are being ripped out of the suitcases, combi locks are damaged!!! Argh!!! @#$%

Fortunately for us, we did not check in our laptop and our multi-media projector. And for me, I was lucky to choose to hand-carry my bag (thank god, I did not lose the office camera!)

I counted my blessings but not for long….

Being the pau ka liao coordinator (aka if-anything-goes-wrong-I-m-the-person-to-blame), I have to make sure that all the items lost and baggage tampered with are properly recorded and reported to all relevant authorities…

This is just the first few hours of my work retreat and something so wrong could happened…

to be continued….

Off to KK…

Been really really buzy these few weeks…

I m going to KK….KOTA KINABALU….

No, I m not going there to climb mountain…I m going there to WORK…

Sianz….just when I tot that I will be able to enjoy my long vesak day weekend…I ve to drag my feet to KK..

Some of you might be thinking, "wow! overseas working trip, fun wah! "

NAY! just take a peek at the 10 damned good reasons for….

WHY I M NOT GOING TO ENJOY MYSELF AT KK

1) there goes my long weekend!!

2) its vesak holiday! for goodness’ sake!  lots of cartoons and movies on TV….and I can’t watch them!!!

3) its not sydney I m going to…its KK leh!..boringzzz….

4) we are flying via MAS…its the only airline flying there…

eeee yikes!

No further comments, I m not going to be sued for defamation…

5) I m going there to work! I ve to make sure everything in the programme run smoothly! @#$%^ damned! I would be damned if something screwed up!

6) I m going with my colleagues*! What a great getaway from work!

*includes my boss

7) I m going to MISS my irritating plus smelly brother and my alwis-shrieking little sis…

of coz, I m going to miss mr FAT…..’s cooking

bet there are two persons who are going to be really glad that I m away for this weekend…mr FAT’s two billiard khakis, mr La pi xiao xing and mr Singtel…   

I M BROKE! darn! I won’t be able to afford a spa package which is about the most value-for-$ thing to do out of S’pore…

9) A huge pile of work is waiting for me to come back…for a chance to pounce on me and crush me like a grrr cock…roach…

10) The person reading is thinking of what a wimp I m complainin about a free trip to KK….NOTHING IS FREE, ok? 

Oh…there is a 11th reason…..

11) I WILL MISS MY YEC NITE CYCLING TRIP THIS WEEKEND….

Good luck and have fun, pple!

Poem for mum

I have two frens whose mum had gone on to a better place..their mum passed away last thursday after a long, hard battle with her illness…

Found this short and touching poem by someone whose mum left her recently…

For J and H, your mum is never far from you, she will alwis be in your heart….

Poem for mum

I miss you so much,
your laugh, your smile, your touch.
You always brightened my days
with all the smiles you sent my way.
I need you as my angel
to always be at my side.
I need you as my angel
to give me peace of mind.
I like to think your near to me
to know that you are there.
Even though I can not see you,
I feel that you are near.
Please do not forget me mum,
for you are always in my heart,
my thoughts and prayers.
I love you.

Thoughts

its never easy to lose someone dear to you…the thought of seeing them in ur dreams and waking up to find them gone is hard…your heart will hurt…and the pain will not go away, it will hide itself in a corner and emerge when you summon it.

Be sad but not angry at why this happen….Cry as much as u want…u dun ve to be strong..think of happy memories and cry…this way, the person will alwis be in your heart, not far away…..

take care.

meeting of the countrybumpkins

mr FAT and ms PIG had it coming….

they unwittedly allowed a horde of rowdy and noisy countrybumpkins* set their feet upon their humble abode.

*countrybumpkins : They hail from the Young, Exciting Country, their national colour is orange & their mother tongue is rubblish.

"Opps! I did it again!" mr Policeman proving once again that, besides nabbing crooks, he was equally apt at leaving water marks on mosaic tiles…

ms PIG shot a dirty look at mr Policeman and poked mr FAT with her fat finger.

"Do something!"

mr FAT wanted to kick mr Policeman but decided against it after envisaging that he might be charged with police assault.

He quickly enlisted the help of mr MOS Burger, who passed the tissue to him to cover up the mess before ms PIG poke him again.

"What is happening to my pretty little face?? Anyone seen this or had this skin problem before? Any advice?"  ms Tiny pleaded.

Everyone hustled to give her advice…

"aiyah, think you must change your boyfriend, you must be allegic to your boyfren’s tongue…" mr FAT quipped, drawing laughter from the rest.

Not funny.

…it was hilarious

mr Volleyball tried to restore order and stop the ruckus, alas, no one seem to listen. Everyone was yakking happily away.

Meanwhile, mr Muscleman was asking mr Volleyball and ms PIG for their signatures on some cheques. He was lifting pen on one hand and a thick arch file on the other.

Out of sudden, mr Sunglasses dropped red bombs onto everyone’s laps…yes, no one was spared. Even ms Ah Lian, who came late and tried to slip away, caught the red bomb. (caught red-handed?)

All the while, ms Blur was scratching her head, trying to figure what was going on…

It was mr Shutterbug’s birthday and ms PIG was smart to get candles enough even for uncle Volleyball.

mr Shutterbug, the country’s official photographer cum historian, has a knack of surprising people when their candid mugshots appeared on the web on the very same day.

Funnily, the people in the photos look busy… busy toking, busy laughin, busy eating…mr FAT was seen in many photos with something edible in his hand…

While mr Shutterbug was busy cutting his cake and sharing it, ms Tiny and ms Hairstylist were snapping happily away with his camera. ms Hairstylist combed her hair for the zillionth time.

"What is that bag of things?" mr Shutterbug noticed the big red plastic bag ms Ah Lian was carrying..

ms Ah Lian was sitting quietly at a corner, feeling upset and woody (opps, its ‘moody’).

"Oh… discounted loreal comestics!" ms Ah Lian suddenly jerked out of her moodiness…

"So cheap!!" ms PIG, ms Mascot, ms Hairstylist and ms Blur shouted in unison.

ms Blur announced that she is looking for job now and thinking of joining the airforce…

"Siao boh!" mr Sunglasses, mr Mos Burger and mr Volleyball shouted in unison.

The ladies wooed and wowed as ms Ah Lian fished out her good buys for all to see…

"I just buy what other people buy lor…" ms Ah Lian explained smugly..

When the countryfolks left, suddenly, there was peace and serenity..

though mr FAT and ms PIG had to clean up, they were glad that the rowdy countrybumpkins made effort to come to their humble home and scare the shit out of the sleepy neighbourhood with their boisterous banter

disclaimer: this is a story of fictionious characters, if there is any similarity to real life persons, it is of PURE COINCIDENCE…

What will you be doing on Sat nite?

WE WILL BE CYCLING!

yes, my yec (kg chai chee youth executive committee) is organising our yearly nite cycling adventure!

why i called it ‘an adventure’, well…have you ever cycled from east coast park to pasir panjang and back to east coast again?

We have been doing this every year without fail. Its a challenge not only to the participants but also to us, the organisers…after all, we are occasional cyclists.

below are the details of the event…

Event: Kg Chai Chee YEC Nite Cycling ’05

Date: 21 May 05 (Sat)

Time: 9pm

Venue: McDonalds’ (East Coast Park)

Price: $5(member) / $8 (non-member)

Bicycle rental available @ $8

For registration or more information, please call Kampong Chai Chee Community Centre at 62419878 (Ext 0).

go on, take up our challenge and join us!

If you really, really want to, you can

ms PIG chanced upon a really interesting advice posted on the web recently….

If you really, really want to, you can. You will. You can achieve the impossible, you can have "miracles" happen. You need only to meet two conditions.

1. You must really, really want it. Wishful thinking, like "I wish I have a million dollars" is not going to be good enough. You must really, really want it.

2. You must believe that it can happen and that it will happen. Many of us buy lottery tickets, but how many of us actually believe that we can win and will win?

ms PIG really, really want to cook an impressive spread of dishes for mr FAT….

five people you will meet in heaven - mitch albom

just read the book, interesting book I must say…

small, handy, easy to read…as good as "little prince"

In order not to be a spoilsport and share the whole story, will only share some interesting quotes from the book every now and then…

it started with a 83 yr old man dying…its not ending but the beginning of his story..

All ending are beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time…

he met 5 persons in heaven after his death who taught him five lessons..

these people; some he know, some he dunno…

but they are people who affect his course of life…

they are waiting for him in heaven to tell him how they have, in one way or another, played an important role in his life and affected his life….

we are all connected to each other in ways we don’t even realize, and that perhaps, when your life is over, you may find out all the other "waves" in this big ocean that you affected without even knowing it

there is a story about waves, and how when they hit the shore they ceased to exist - unless you realized that, in truth, they weren’t really waves at all, they were part of the ocean - tuesday with morris by mitch

rice or porridge?

ms PIG can cook, so can you.

"You confirm the water is enough? A bit too little, right? I don’t like the rice to be dry and coarse." ms PIG questioned mr FAT.

"Confirmed. You can measure that by putting your hand, palms opened, on top of the rice in the rice cooker. If the water level is between your fingers’ 1st and 2nd joints, it’s the correct level of water needed. Trust me. " mr FAT put his hand into the rice cooker and demonstrated for the umpteen time.

"ok, if the rice don’t turn out well, its your fault…" ms PIG reasoned.

Unknown to mr FAT, when he turned his back to cook his famous chilli crabs, ms PIG added a bit more water. She wanted to be on the safe side.

"If it turns out soggy, it still can be eaten. I would prefer soggy rice to hard, coarse rice." ms PIG thought to herself.

20 mins passed, the rice is cooked…. Or the porridge is cooked.

"How come so soggy? Alamak, chilli crab sauce goes well with rice but not porridge! You add in more water behind my back?! " mr FAT exclaimed.

"uh…No! think your hand too fat! that’s why more water was added! It’s your fault!" ms PIG defended herself without batting her eyelids.

ms PIG can cook, pigs can fly.

getting fat…shall we go jogging today?

Every now and then, ms PIG will ask mr FAT,

"getting fat…shall we go jogging today?"

And more often than not, ms PIG will answer the question herself….

"oh no, its raining…oh wait, it just stopped…but the ground is too wet to run…very dangerous.."

"My mum’s cooking a feast tonight, wants us to go back and eat..we can’t possible eat till our stomach’s full, then exercise, rite?"

"There are too many people in bedok gym, have to fork out $1.50 some more..a bit dumb leh…"

"Since we are jogging along siglap park connector, why not we stop by Gelare Cafe and have some waffles?"

"Uh oh…I m having the ‘monthly’ thing…uncomfortable to jog, mabbe a few days later?"

"I m a bit tired, rest day today!"

This is the best….

"Its the seventh month, my mum advise us not to go out at nite?!"

ms PIG resolve to stop this infinite procrastination…